The Last Homely House
General => Council of Cobra => Topic started by: Fatty_Lumpkin on January 30, 2009, 10:12:48 AM
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My brother sent this to me today, i thought it was funny and am sharing it with you. Enjoy! :lol:
Only in America…..
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America.....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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And this:
Some of Life's Reflections
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every second one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks; they are always locking three of them.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
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seen most of them before, kamikaze pilots would wear helmets so that if shrapnel hit the plane they might still be able to pilot it into something instead of careening out of control. WE should explain all of these for fun ;)
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The Braille lettering at drive thru ATM's... why pay to produce ones without Braille?
I'm following SoP's instruction here
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Airplanes can't be made of the same material as the black boxes, otherwise it would weigh so #$&*@! much a freaking MIRACLE wouldn't make it fly.
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Only in America…..
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
better people steal cigarettes, the prescription drugs to make meth and crap,.
Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
the junk gets messed up if it rains, the car doesn't
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
some little kids like hot dogs without buns
Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
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sometimes people walk to ATM's. outdoors. seriously
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Only in America does a woman pay a cleaning lady to clean her house while she goes to the daycare center and is paid to take care of the cleaning lady's child.
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Only in America does a woman pay a cleaning lady to clean her house while she goes to the daycare center and is paid to take care of the cleaning lady's child.
Rofl
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If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Con can also mean together, like chile con carne.
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If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Con can also mean together, like chile con carne.
This is America, not Mexico. Here, the pros and the cons mean the ups and the downs, the goods and the bads, etc.
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Yes, but between "Congress" and "chili con carne", I'd pick chili anyday! :hey:
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Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor
Because thats a humane way of getting lemon juice!
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Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor
Because thats a humane way of getting lemon juice!
:lol: :gp: