The Last Homely House
General => Council of Cobra => Topic started by: Kenddrick on February 13, 2011, 10:58:12 PM
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Hi guys i wont be around here for I don't know how long. My gf for 3 years just left me because she doesn't want a relationship with anyone. She still wants to hang out with me as friends and we did so yesterday but even though we did the same things we usually did like eat and hang out, it wasn't the same thing as before. I used to call her nicknames that were unique to our relationship but yesterday I tried and she didnt want to reply and I miss the way we were.
Despite being friends with her I look back at our memories and it kills me because I can't believe that the girl of my dreams will hurt me this way. I respect her decision to not want any relationship but I keep looking at our photos and thinking of all our times and I remember how happy she was to see me.
I want to be there for her and im greatful she still wants to hang out and be around me but I miss the little things that we called/didfor each other when we were together as compared to being jsut friends now. We were together since we were 17 and now we're 20. I grew up with her and we did so many things together it just kills me. I remember when she was so happy to see me and now i'm crying again I don't know what to do.
I don't know where else to post tis because I spent almost everyday of the 3 yrs with her and as a result I don't have any close friends. I dunno who to turn to talk to I'm feeling so sad. I'm posting here because i like the people here :( :(:(
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Hey dude, things will get better. Trust me.
Think about it man, you're ONLY 20. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you and you just don't know what the future has in store for you.
We all go through rough patches like that, and that's when we need our friends to help hold us up. We're here for ya man.
It will get better and it won't hurt so bad. Trust me.
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Yeah man, keep your chin up. Plenty of other fish in the sea. Time heals all wounds.
In a couple months you'll be like.. 'What was her name again?'.
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It is official that moments of extreme happiness and extreme hurting only last a couple of weeks, after that, live goes on just the same. Hang in there, I can imagine it hurts a lot!
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Well, I was engaged, looking at apartments for after graduating so me and my fianceé would move in together after marrying (we even had the date set). We had been together for 5 years, from 18 to 23, I spent most of college with her (and thus, NOT partying like I should, yeah, I know). Then, out of the blue, she doesn't want to marry me anymore. She instead wants to leave the country, ditch her family (her father had just died, and she became the balancing center of the family, quite a burden) and never look back. Since I DIDN'T want to leave, we parted ways. You can imagine how I fully understande you. That was 3 years ago. 3 years from there, I'm ALREADY married (fell for an old friend, what can I say?), I graduated, we have our own place (although we still rent, no use in buying something when I'll be moving in 2-3 years to a WAAAAAAY smaller town - hopefully with internet access) and life couldn't be better, one professional opportunity after the other!
What I mean is: live your life. I commend you for wanting to stay close and be friends to her, but from personal experience, it hurts like #$&*@!. Take a step back for now, don't keep hanging out with her everyday, etc. Go live. Let time go by and see what happens. Perhaps she'll miss it like you do, perhaps she'll meet someone, perhaps you'll meet someone, perhaps she WILL miss it and YOU won't anymore. A lot can happen, just don't stop living your life.
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Amen to that Felipe, you are so right.
Kenddrick, continue to hang around here and to post, don't stop doing the things you enjoy. Keep us updated.
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Well so I hang out with her 1 day after we broke up and it hurt like #$&*@! cos we didnt do the little things that we do. She used to pinch my cheek and call me names like PUG but now she wont and it hurt.
So I didn't contact her much for like 2 days and she initiated contact with me by asking me hows life and she tells me shes free on Thursday and asks me to spend the day with her and hang out. I tihnk she misses me but I don't know if she wants to get back or what does she want?? I'm so sad and confused now I wish for things to go back to the way they were. :(:(:(
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Ket: LoL !!
Kenddrick: Hoping things will be as they were before is self-destructive. If you still want to see each other one or 2 times that's ok but one day (the sooner the better) you'll have to realize that being with her will hurt you a lot more than help you. You'll have to "let her go" to be able to heal. It will hurt one big time instead of many many small ones... Then, after some time, you MAY be able to see each other as friends.
We're with you.
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I just spoke with her rationally. Well if you guys should know, she wanted to leave me in April 2010, but I convinced her to stay.
She told me when we first got together in July 2008 that she was happily in love but over time she realized that she had a shift of expectations. She realized that she didn't want to have to commit to anyone. She just wanted to be free. So in April 2010 she told me that how she felt. I did cry and stuff and we went through a lot of talking.
She stayed with me eventually as she said she felt like she was doing this on impulse. Fast forward to Feb 2011, and she broke up with me. I asked her exactly what was going on within that 10 months, and did she feel love at all?
She said that those 10 months were a daze. She said that seeing each other everyday and doing everything together didn't help either. She didn't really have friends to go out with so we literally spent 9 out of every 10 days together. She said that she was with me but deep down she knew she wanted to be free of commitment. She said "it was like a pressure cooker".
I don't know but most probably "love" got mixed with "dependency".
So finally you know, she realised that she wasn't in love with me anymore, and she couldn't bear to do this to me, because she knew I would never hurt her. So she ended it officially.
I don't know but talking to her like this makes me feel better. Much much better. I should be crying but I am not. I don't know if I'll start crying again in the morning, but right now, I'm feeling a different feeling. I'm not sad/mad/angry at her. I'm feeling....acceptance? Acceptance of the fact that this is what she wants.
I don't know if it's just for now, but I'm seeing me and her in a whole new light. It's not the same old way of gazing at each other and telling each other I love you. It's........looking at her and acknowledging the past and accept we will NEVER experience the past again, and yet still be able to laugh and be grateful to be around each other. She still wants to idk....hang out with me because in her own words: "You were a great boyfriend, and I know you'll never hurt me. You did me no wrong."
Am I still feeling love for her? (the thought of her loving other guys still hurts though)
Why am I not crying after this conversation like I did when she broke up with me?
Need your thoughts,
Kenddrick
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Never love someone more than that person loves you.
-wtk
Ouch.
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Well Ket, I really couldn't help it. It was my first time in a serious and proper relationship, and you know, the girl was my first in many many ways.
We went on a holiday abroad together.
We were each other's first..in an intimate sense (and it happened during the holiday as well)
We actually spent A LOT of time together. A LOT.
We both learnt what was it like to be in an honest and trusting relationship.
The breakup happened 6 days ago. For the first 4 days I cried over why why why did it have to end. Now I know.
Well looking back, I really don't have any regrets. Can't blame the girl, she can't blame me, can't blame the way it ended as well. Things just happened and it was a really really good relationship with no sour endings. It was...mutual. (cos I understand and accept the fact/reason). But at least both of us are still grateful for each other to be still there and not have any bad feelings/regrets.
I did learn some stuff from this though, and so did she. I don't know about future relationships, but I for sure know that I'll never love someone else like I did to my first love. First loves are special in their own way.
"The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end."
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Well, everything in the UNIVERSE has an expiration date. Even plutonium. Even the univerese itself. So does love. And do does relationships (though some have an expiration date set so far it outlasts the people involved). Thing is, it never really expires at the same time for both of the parties involved. And it sucks. But you have the rest of your life to live, so those times spent together are gonna be BEAUTIFUL memories one day, but leave it at that. And move on. Sooner or later you'll stumble on another relationship, and perhaps this one will last even longer. Perhaps it won't. And you'll move on again. And that's how life goes. Until you find a relationship that outlasts your lifespan, that is.
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Guys help me please. I went out with her today with the rational mind like how I was when I typed all that I said. I behaved normal and I laughed with her and felt greatful to have her and stuff.
Now I'm having this sinking feeling in my stomach.
I know the relationship is over!! I know that she doesn't love me anymore and it is over!!
So why am I having this sinking feeling in my stomach? It's killing me! :(
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I know I am hanging out with her because she is a great person to be with. I am myself when I am with her! Or maybe I'm emotionally dependent on her!!! I dont know!!
Please dont tell me to move on because right now, I cant see it!! I cant see myself getting in love with anyone!!! I might make an exception for my ex gf but we need to work things out!!
Why am I feeling like this? Am I too dependent on her?
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I am not crying!!! I do not want to! I am OVER IT!!! I accept that the relationship is over and all I can do now is appreciate them!
I was ok when we went out together and hung out. We didn't do our couple things like we used to but I'm ok with that cos I thought "yeah im happy i spent my first serious relationship with this girl".
And then I sent her home and I feel this sinking feeling in me and I am confused? :(
Someone tell me why please! Don't be mean I really need some advice on what i'm feeling!
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Seriously though Kenddrick, ket is right when he says you need to just meet some new people. Not even to hang around with more than once maybe, just to give yourself a fresh perspective on things. My wife and I don't really have friends around where we live, so I know what it's like a little bit. Maybe try to reconnect with a friend from high school and go hang out for a few hours?
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I don't have close friends because I spent 3 years of my life (17-20) with this girl almost everyday! I grew up with her. And because of that the number of friends I have is 3.
1. Her
2. My football friend
3. My close friend from school
I can't talk to my football friend because he has never had a girlfriend before and spent time training! We used to train together almost everyday until I got together with my ex-gf.
I can't talk to my close friend from school because he is going through the same #$&*@! as me just that his case is worse as his gf won't even talk to him. So we're both in this mess.
Which leaves me with my gf. I appreciate the relationship we had and now, our friendship. All I'm asking is why i have this sinking feeling?
Please I just need people to advice me nicely and understand what I'm going through here and don't lock please! :(
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Which leaves me with my gf
Which you don't have anymore. See? You SAY you're over her, but she's still your "gf" in your subconscience. I have told you everything I could on the subject: shun her for now (for your own good, don't be mean to her or anything, just have some distance), go make friends, go to parties, go out to a card-game store, to a video-game store, anywhere. Go meet some new people. Go after a part-time job, meet work people, hang out with more grown-up people (and people with far worse lives than yours, you'll see), expand your circle of friends, dude!
ANd forget about loving anyone right now. You'll again, eventually, when it's time again.
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I hesitated for a long time if I should participate in this discussion, but now...
I was in a very, very similar thing about 7 months ago. I was wallowing in self-pity for hours over hours, finally a couple of days. But then, I saw that it didn't help my at all. Besides the self-pity I was feeling to myself, there was no way I possibly change a thing.
Actually, you can even find these days when looking through the history of the forum. It was the time when I posted like 12 times or even more a day, had Deck ideas all the time, I started playing MtG again. I was trying to distract myself with things I actually abandoned because of the relationship. I was trying to regain the same status as before, but with more experience gained. Even weeks after that, I still felt the pain. But why wasn't it so bad anymore? Because I at least tried to accept it, even though my mind (heart, or whatever) didn't want to. I stopped listening to the music that connected us and so forth.
I know that my English actually isn't quite good ( in fact I think it's pretty horrible compaired to my German), but I still hope I could have drawn the picture of my situation, of my past situation well enough. You don't have to be like "Try some new stuff, let's do some Bungee-Jumping and go to a party after that", no certainly not. It's much easier to let the change happen slowly than block your own feelings and try to hide them. Like that, it actually takes a much longer time to get over it.
Now, when I look back at these times, when I play some of her favorite songs on my guitar, I remember it being a wonderful part of my life, because I really went over it. And that's what I'm hoping you to do too.
I hope I was able to help.
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Just reconnect with your football friend, start training with him again. Man, it's a dull statement but ONLY TIME will help you heal...
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kenddrick: this may or may not be helpful, but here it goes: if you don't know how to play guitar. learn. and if you already know how to play. play more.
music can be an amazing way of expressing emotions which you cannot form into words.
as for why you are having those feelings, its like you said, you guys had something intimate, and you are experiencing the rending of that intimacy. sure its gonna hurt. but just give it enough time, and enough music...
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Kenddrick...
I know that it feels like an unbearable burden on you at the moment. But believe me many other people have gone thorough similar agony....
This is life. I know it is corny and as you read it you tend to think "How would you know how I suffer you insensitive moron"... But trust me, no trust us that it is like that.
Many more accomplished writers than me wrote thousands of books about this...
But if you really want advice... Even though it might seem stupid, insensitive, absurd and most of all painful...
Listen to this... Cease seeing her. Tell her honestly that you suffer a lot at the moment and every time you hang out your wounds bleed more... Because that is what happens.
When your wounds heal a bit. And trust me they will... The scars will be there but the wounds will close... You can see her again then... But don't do it now. Don't see her. This will only hurt you and worse is you don't know it now but seeing her in this context will only weaken you.
I've done that mistake so i know. In a short while you'll bend over backwards to please her because you love her and make her can understand your value once again. But this will only make her take you for granted and achieve nothing.
Forgive me when i say this. A friend back in the day said this to me and i was gonna punch him then. Hated him for weeks. But i'll be in his shoes now...
DON'T BE HER PET...
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Okie. I'm still hurting but I don't know why I feel better today. :( :( Thanks all those who talked to me. I will feel worse tomorrow, maybe.
But what matters is that I feel ok..for now.
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I will feel worse tomorrow, maybe.
You won't.
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She just booked a 3D2N holiday with me in a neighbouring country.
God knows what I'm doing right now I'm getting cold feet. Shouldn't have agreed to go.
At least she booked twin beds.
Still, right now, I'm feeling very very giddy.
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Please be joking. Which part of STAY AWAY and MOVE ON you didn't get? It's just, like, 4 words! In pairs! Seriously, are you some kind of masochist? Well, do what you must, I'm tired of this topic by now.
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I just don't know what else to do I'm in a mess!! It's really hard to stay away from her! I don't know what got into me! Things are really really messy right now :(
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Kenddrick, you need to be strong or you're not going to get ANY sympathy.
Stay away from her, stop answering phone calls from her, de-friend her on Facebook if that's what it takes.
You NEED time away from her in order to heal. You will be a mess for a long long time if you don't get it and aren't able to heal.
I've said my piece and I won't have any more input. Take my advice (and everyone else's for that matter) or don't, but only one road will lead to peace.
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If you have a box of stuff that represents the history of the two of you, burn it. I did it. It feels so good.
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Well I guess he's just doing with 90% of the people here would lol a girl leaves you, you're broken hearted, she calls you out... we all know the answer to that call, unless you are some jedi master that has unnatural control over your mind.
It doesn't mean it's the right, thing though... I've been there, 2 years relationship, girl broke up with me but we still had some physical bond and she invited me a couple times to go to her place and have a good time... I didn't give a #$&*@!, I just went there, even tho the pain could be stronger. Couldn't help myself.
Well I'm going to say when this happened to me I thought the world was going to end and it didn't and all the advice everybody gave me at that time was sort of useless because I had to find my way through anyway.
So the only thing I'm saying is: time will take care of whatever happens to you in this matter. Do what you might, if you're supposed to be together, you will, if you're supposed to be friends, you will either way. It might take six months, it might take a week.
Althought you can't see it now, there are a lot of people worth dating and there are a lot of girls that will find you are the perfect fit. Don't worry about that.
Actually you're 20, don't worry about anything, just have fun and take it easy!
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Leoluka you understand me totally.
"I just went there, even tho the pain could be stronger. Couldn't help myself."
I really want this to heal and I tried to listen to all the people here but it's really hard but i'm trying! :(
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Dear Kenddrick,
I'm agree with what has been written before, but for you all this is useless until you get up and go out and meet people or to get drunk nothing will change.
So stop cryng and move on because life is hard! ](*,)
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If you like it then you should've put a ring on it.
Really though, buy her a dozen roses and then tell her you never want to see her again. I like breakups to be as memorable as they are devastating.
-wtk
Never love someone more than that person loves you.
-wtk
You are an idiot.
-wtk
I can understand your passion for the truth, and your frankness. However, my friend, I encourage you to put a filter on your words, because sometimes it isn't about who is right an who is wrong. The guy is going through a hard time, I would trust you would expect the same if the situation was reversed. Thanks.