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Total Votes : 13
Pipeweed
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:30 am
Joined: 14 Jun 2006 Posts: 1010 Location: Earth (I think)
--- description ---
As Joe’s hope of ever winning a game fades, he has a confrontation with the Mysterious Voice of Divine Providence and Power, giving him the ability to build awesome decks on a shoestring budget. Thanks Joe Connelly!
--- end description ---

The land of LOTR was in shambles. Many players, very experienced, and very wealthy were purchasing all the latest cards as quickly as possible, leaving no possibility of new cards for those who were less fortunate, like Joe. Joe was not one of the big name players, but he had an ability to play LOTR like Mozart played the piano, alas, he could not afford cards, and had been owned by the big name rich fatty snobs.

Grabbing his small deck, built from random cards found in rubbish bins (most out of Standard Rotation), Joe walked slowly from the LOTR store, the echoing sound of crinkling card packs reverberating in his ears. The rain poured down with no sign of letting up. In utter despair, Joe fell to his knees on the concrete sidewalk, engulfed by the dismal deluge.

“I can’t do it!” he cried with all his might, hoping for some divine intervention. “I just can’t do it.”

He silently wept, holding himself, and rocking back and forth, but divine intervention had come, and hope was soon to be alive for Joe. A ray of heavenly light burst through the dark clouds, causing Joe to cover his eyes.

“Joe,” a majestic and powerful voice stated, “hope is not lost. Do not despair my faithful servant.”

Bewildered, Joe stuttered, “Servant? Who the heck are you? I don’t even know you!”

The majestic voice sighed as if annoyed. “Well, just pretend you know me. It doesn’t matter Joe. I’m here to help you. You will win Joe. After I give you a glimpse of my power.”

“It is not possible,” Joe sighed, “for I have no money, and cannot afford to buy cards to build a deck good enough to beat the big players.”

“Then build a deck with no rares, thickhead,” the voice exclaimed as if talking to a child.

“It won’t work. The other decks are too good. I cannot win against such odds.”

“Well at least try it you imbecile!” the voice shouted as if insulted.

“Oh all right. Whatever. But what type of deck could I build? There aren’t very many cheap kinds”

"Must I always do everything?" the voice sighed in annoyance.

With a single burst of light, a piece of A4 paper fluttered to the ground. Joe picked it up and looked at it. It was a decklist.

Pursuing Horde x4
Last Days x4
Dunlending Trapper x3
Man of Bree x4
Bold Easterling x4
Caravan From The South x2
Courageous Easterling x4
Crazed Hillman x4
Easterling Scout x4
Rampaging Easterling x4

“The concept of the deck is simple,” the voice told Joe, “get a copy of Last Days fast, and then swarm like crazy.”

“You can gather a hand of minions, and then play out your cards like Courageous Easterling and Bold Easterling. When you have a good number of them, you can discard them in exchange for other minions from your hand, like Crazed Hillman, and Man of Bree.”

“Then you’ve got a nice swarm going. Add in a few conditions like Pursuing Horde and Caravan from the south, and you’re good to go. Uber swarm for like $5.00”

“Hmm,” Joe mused, “I think it might work. But what about the Free Peoples? That’s sort of important.”

“Free Peoples?!?” the voice sounded offended. “I’ve done all the work and you come begging me for a second half of the deck?!?”

“Well . . . uh . . . yeah!”

The voice grumbled to itself (or himself) angrily and then spoke to Joe again.

“You shall journey to the land called Cobra Cards and speak to one there who calls himself "corvus". He will show you secrets of butt kicking with cheap Free Peoples."

"But . . ." Joe stuttered, "I cannot go to the land of Cobra Cards."

"Why not?!?" the voice asked in surprise.

"I fear the spamming might of one they call "sickofpalantirs". I do not want to encounter him, or his archrival, the less powerful, but just as terrible, "NBarden."

The heavenly figure sighed in extreme annoyance.

"Why must I do everything myself?" he asked again.

With another flash of light, a second piece of paper drifted to the ground. Joe grabbed it and looked at it.


Smeagol, Bearer of Great Secrets!
The One Ring, The Ruling Ring
Faramir, Son of Denethor

There’s Another Way x4
Poor Wretch x4
Never x2
Nasty x4
Naked Waste x4
Where Shall We Go x4
Clever Hobbits x2
Still Far Ahead x4
One Good Turn Deserves Another x4

"Easy and butt kicking," the voice said sweetly, "get out all of your Smeagol conditions and wreak havoc on the big name fat people."

"But what about Smeagol, Bearer of Great Secrets?" Joe asked humbly, "he’s a rare!"

"One stinking rare?!?" the voice shouted. "One stinkin rare in a butt kicking deck? One of the fat people inside just pulled his eleventh copy! Now go inside and mooch until you have built the deck, then kick everyone’s butts with it."

“Absolutely!” Joe turned to go and then was stopped by the voice.
“Joe?”
“Yes?”

A brief, but touching sentimental-mental moment was shared between the two.

“You owe me.”
“Loser!”

Joe went and mooched cards from the big name fat players. He built the shadow side as instructed by the mysterious divine voice of power, and then spent some time building his own Free Peoples, ending up with a No Rare Smeagol Shire Butt-Kicker.

He then proceeded to sit down for a casual game of LOTR with one of the fatty big name rich snobs.

And he got the crap kicked out of him.
Last edited by Pipeweed on Fri Mar 09, 2007 11:22 am; edited 3 times in totalPipeweed's Haves/Wants: 100 NEW RARES!!
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Cycle Engine
Joe Meets God: A Humorous Article on a Budget

GP http://fxhome.com/userref.php/11923 GP
Pipeweed
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:30 am
Joined: 14 Jun 2006 Posts: 1010 Location: Earth (I think)
This was more of a humorous article, but fun to write.

Thanks Joe Connelly, for letting me use your name and character.

PW
Pipeweed's Haves/Wants: 100 NEW RARES!!
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Cycle Engine
Joe Meets God: A Humorous Article on a Budget

GP http://fxhome.com/userref.php/11923 GP
Turin06
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 4:41 am
Joined: 24 Oct 2006 Posts: 197 Location: Good Question
We’re always getting original decks around here but we hardly ever get an original style of article. For making me laugh and for offering something new and refreshing I’m gonna give you a 5
Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Anonymous Prodigy
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 8:58 am
Joined: 10 Jan 2006 Posts: 4197 Location: United States
I think this article holds the title for the most entertaining article in CC history. I have seen you post this deck design before, so I am familiar with the concept. All in all, a very well written and entertaining article. It would have been nice if you had posted the no rares Smeagol w/ Shire deck, but anyway... Neutral I give it a 4! Applause
I had to put something here.
Pipeweed
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 11:12 am
Joined: 14 Jun 2006 Posts: 1010 Location: Earth (I think)
Thanks guys. I appreciate it.

To everyone else: Don’t vote yet, I’m going to add some CC spice to it, so hold your breath.

PW
Pipeweed's Haves/Wants: 100 NEW RARES!!
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Cycle Engine
Joe Meets God: A Humorous Article on a Budget

GP http://fxhome.com/userref.php/11923 GP
corvus
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 11:19 am
Joined: 13 Oct 2006 Posts: 1696 Location: Roaming, but dangerous!!!
Wow, thanks so much for this! A great article. I’m still waiting for your little twist... Wink

Great job, pretty original!
Click here if you want to trade some foils away Wink
Far, Far beyond the island we dwelt in shapes of twilight
Through draught and weary days
Through grief and endless pain
Pipeweed
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 11:23 am
Joined: 14 Jun 2006 Posts: 1010 Location: Earth (I think)
Thanks corvus Very Happy

Feel free to vote now everyone!

PW
Pipeweed's Haves/Wants: 100 NEW RARES!!
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Cycle Engine
Joe Meets God: A Humorous Article on a Budget

GP http://fxhome.com/userref.php/11923 GP
corvus
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 11:35 am
Joined: 13 Oct 2006 Posts: 1696 Location: Roaming, but dangerous!!!
Wow, i fell off the chair laughing (literally!!!) when i read the corvus-SoP-NBarden part. It was worth it... a Pure 5.
Click here if you want to trade some foils away Wink
Far, Far beyond the island we dwelt in shapes of twilight
Through draught and weary days
Through grief and endless pain
bobtheorc
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 12:42 pm
Joined: 19 Mar 2006 Posts: 1218 Location: Wow, its hot in Iowa
Funny but not exactly a great article.
Exclamation Ban the Overpowered OrcsExclamation
"Don't panic, I have paper!" - Taipan Popcorn
Is that Grima, Grief Counselor? - legolamb
Bobtheorcs Uruk-Hai Dcs
Bob’s wonderful !! updated !! Trade list
macheteman
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:08 pm
Joined: 07 Dec 2006 Posts: 1200 Location: The Jungle
It is funny, but this is a strategy article contest, and the article had no strategy involved, so this really shouldn’t even qualify. but it was funny.

-mm
Check out my best article The Utterly Corrupt Corruption,
If at first you don't succeed...Sky-diving isn't for you.
"Combat is dangerous. It tends to interupt your breathing process."
ROLF!!!

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