One day, Bilbo the hobbit decided that it was time for a little bit of adventure so he drank an ale. Suddenly, there was a sound of a nuclear explosion. Bilbo was so sure that he crapped his pants and turned invisible that he leapt over the shrubbery which surrounded his nether regions and proclaimed with a heartfelt squeal that he loved sam. The surprised badger, which Bilbo had caught with a delirious dwarf's hat, then bit his toes, which swelled to ridiculous size. When the bleeding vicious aquatic chicken heard Bilbo's outcry he made sandwiches. Meanwhile, Farmer Maggot feeling refreshed from the smoking of smoldering goblin corpses which gave him superhobbit strength and a wonderful sense of his femininity, finally had time to move his new umbrella. Whereupon, Bilbo, setting out to locate a new spork for cleaning mithril,
discovered Merry and Pippin busy digging up the corpse of Santa Claus with a
hobbit sword. "Hey!" Bilbo shouted. "Where's Santa's new reindeer deep frier that he lent the
Mountain-troll of the french alps?"
"I think it was mauled by an absolutely enormous goblin's pet fish!"
Just then a raging band of flying monkeys descended from the heavens to view the championship polo game, which was becoming rather exciting because
Firefoot stepped in and rolled over the third goblin from Eomer's mum's wardrobe which had been trying to calculate it's internal volume. Eomer grabbed his Tolkien action figure and threw it right at Sam's big hairy hobbit balls of yarn.
"Hey!" Sam yelled. "I was about to knit a new gnu!" Immediately a crippled fish rode by on the back of Arwen's enormously large TIE Fighter. "Turtles have taken over my left sock, but because the sun is in stasis, I must thrust my body through the enormous portal!"
Asfaloth announced. So
Asfaloth then had no choice but to thrust his big #$&*@ into the purple portal of doom. Immediately the turtles exploded into a vast cavern filled with slime and shattered shells.
Gandalf laughed so hard that he farted and proudly proclaimed "The aroma reminds of the time Elrond and I binged on berries, resulting in
the renowned Battle of Gassy Chickens that incinerated half of Sauron's pet cat and destroyed Angmar." Then along came a spider who charged
Asfaloth's pet armadillo who was feeling rather constipated and hated arachnids anyway so he pulled a gun on that hairy spider which imploded with fright.
Suddenly, a huge turtle stepped from Aragorn's fanny pack. It sang Chopsuey to a different tune than the wraiths of Gondor because they were not like System of a Down, they were different. They were much in debt after Thranduil killed an oversized hamster with his cutting sarcasm. Dreadful, I know, but Eldarion wanted the hamster killed before bedtime tomorrow by beer drowning. So he hired a murderous cut-throat bunny to do jumping jacks until Thranduil died of optical impairment so Bilbo drank another of Gandalf's special witch's brew which blew up all over his nice clean hat and made him want to save Gondor with a big and ugly busted
Nazgul sword which blew up all over his (this sound familiar?) beloved huge shrubbery which promptly had fleas. Of which Sam threw his plastic Glorfindel toy at a horrible looking woman. She barked and growled angrily at Sam, who apparently wasn't paying attention to her so she kicked him in his groin. Sam, scared, ran to his Mommy and asked for ponies. She replied, "What did that monkey do with your measly lunch money?" Pippin replied that, "I don't care". Just then, his pet rat flew through the window towards
Alatar and
Pallando, the pet goats. Then suddenly, Legolas pulled Aragorn's finger. That caused several chunks of dingos to crash into some woman's baby-faced husband and then they evolved into Treebeard's big barky friend named Bob who ate lettuce juiced my tomato paste. "I wonder what the Blue Wizards are doing?" said
Tom Bombadil.
The End.
Topic: Three-Word Story #2 (Read 859 times)
