Hi i wont be around for some time

[Kenddrick]

Hi guys i wont be around here for I don't know how long. My gf for 3 years just left me because she doesn't want a relationship with anyone. She still wants to hang out with me as friends and we did so yesterday but even though we did the same things we usually did like eat and hang out, it wasn't the same thing as before. I used to call her nicknames that were unique to our relationship but yesterday I tried and she didnt want to reply and I miss the way we were.

Despite being friends with her I look back at our memories and it kills me because I can't believe that the girl of my dreams will hurt me this way. I respect her decision to not want any relationship but I keep looking at our photos and thinking of all our times and I remember how happy she was to see me.

I want to be there for her and im greatful she still wants to hang out and be around me but I miss the little things that we called/didfor each other when we were together as compared to being jsut friends now. We were together since we were 17 and now we're 20. I grew up with her and we did so many things together it just kills me. I remember when she was so happy to see me and now i'm crying again I don't know what to do.

I don't know where else to post tis because I spent almost everyday of the 3 yrs with her and as a result I don't have any close friends. I dunno who to turn to talk to I'm feeling so sad.  I'm posting here because i like the people here

[HawkeyeSPF]

Hey dude, things will get better. Trust me.

Think about it man, you're ONLY 20. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you and you just don't know what the future has in store for you.

We all go through rough patches like that, and that's when we need our friends to help hold us up. We're here for ya man.

It will get better and it won't hurt so bad. Trust me.

[MuadDib85]

Yeah man, keep your chin up. Plenty of other fish in the sea. Time heals all wounds.

In a couple months you'll be like.. 'What was her name again?'.

[Gil-Estel]

It is official that moments of extreme happiness and extreme hurting only last a couple of weeks, after that, live goes on just the same. Hang in there, I can imagine it hurts a lot!

[FM]

Well, I was engaged, looking at apartments for after graduating so me and my fianceé would move in together after marrying (we even had the date set). We had been together for 5 years, from 18 to 23, I spent most of college with her (and thus, NOT partying like I should, yeah, I know). Then, out of the blue, she doesn't want to marry me anymore. She instead wants to leave the country, ditch her family (her father had just died, and she became the balancing center of the family, quite a burden) and never look back. Since I DIDN'T want to leave, we parted ways. You can imagine how I fully understande you. That was 3 years ago. 3 years from there, I'm ALREADY married (fell for an old friend, what can I say?), I graduated, we have our own place (although we still rent, no use in buying something when I'll be moving in 2-3 years to a WAAAAAAY smaller town - hopefully with internet access) and life couldn't be better, one professional opportunity after the other!
What I mean is: live your life. I commend you for wanting to stay close and be friends to her, but from personal experience, it hurts like #$&*@!. Take a step back for now, don't keep hanging out with her everyday, etc. Go live. Let time go by and see what happens. Perhaps she'll miss it like you do, perhaps she'll meet someone, perhaps you'll meet someone, perhaps she WILL miss it and YOU won't anymore. A lot can happen, just don't stop living your life.

[tristelune]

Amen to that Felipe, you are so right.
Kenddrick, continue to hang around here and to post, don't stop doing the things you enjoy. Keep us updated.

[Kenddrick]

Well so I hang out with her 1 day after we broke up and it hurt like #$&*@! cos we didnt do the little things that we do. She used to pinch my cheek and call me names like PUG but now she wont and it hurt.

So I didn't contact her much for like 2 days and she initiated contact with me by asking me hows life and she tells me shes free on Thursday and asks me to spend the day with her and hang out. I tihnk she misses me but I don't know if she wants to get back or what does she want?? I'm so sad and confused now I wish for things to go back to the way they were.

[tristelune]

Ket: LoL !!
Kenddrick: Hoping things will be as they were before is self-destructive. If you still want to see each other one or 2 times that's ok but one day (the sooner the better) you'll have to realize that being with her will hurt you a lot more than help you. You'll have to "let her go" to be able to heal. It will hurt one big time instead of many many small ones... Then, after some time, you MAY be able to see each other as friends.
We're with you.

[Kenddrick]

I just spoke with her rationally. Well if you guys should know, she wanted to leave me in April 2010, but I convinced her to stay.

She told me when we first got together in July 2008 that she was happily in love but over time she realized that she had a shift of expectations. She realized that she didn't want to have to commit to anyone. She just wanted to be free. So in April 2010 she told me that how she felt. I did cry and stuff and we went through a lot of talking.

She stayed with me eventually as she said she felt like she was doing this on impulse. Fast forward to Feb 2011, and she broke up with me. I asked her exactly what was going on within that 10 months, and did she feel love at all?

She said that those 10 months were a daze.  She said that seeing each other everyday and doing everything together didn't help either. She didn't really have friends to go out with so we literally spent 9 out of every 10 days together.  She said that she was with me  but deep down she knew she wanted to be free of commitment. She said "it was like a pressure cooker".

I don't know but most probably "love" got mixed with "dependency".

So finally you know, she realised that she wasn't in love with me anymore, and she couldn't bear to do this to me, because she knew I would never hurt her. So she ended it officially.

I don't know but talking to her like this makes me feel better. Much much better. I should be crying but I am not. I don't know if I'll start crying again in the morning, but right now, I'm feeling a different feeling. I'm not sad/mad/angry at her. I'm feeling....acceptance? Acceptance of the fact that this is what she wants.

I don't know if it's just for now, but I'm seeing me and her in a whole new light. It's not the same old way of gazing at each other and telling each other I love you. It's........looking at her and acknowledging the past and accept we will NEVER experience the past again, and yet still be able to laugh and be grateful to be around each other. She still wants to idk....hang out with me because in her own words:  "You were a great boyfriend, and I know you'll never hurt me. You did me no wrong."

Am I still feeling love for her? (the thought of her loving other guys still hurts though)

Why am I not crying after this conversation like I did when she broke up with me?

Need your thoughts,
Kenddrick

[Kralik]

Never love someone more than that person loves you.
-wtk

Ouch.

[Kenddrick]

Well Ket, I really couldn't help it. It was my first time in a serious and proper relationship, and you know, the girl was my first in many many ways.

We went on a holiday abroad together.
We were each other's first..in an intimate sense (and it happened during the holiday as well)
We actually spent A LOT of time together. A LOT.
We both learnt what was it like to be in an honest and trusting relationship.

The breakup happened 6 days ago. For the first 4 days I cried over why why why did it have to end. Now I know.

Well looking back, I really don't have any regrets. Can't blame the girl, she can't blame me, can't blame the way it ended as well. Things just happened and it was a really really good relationship with no sour endings. It was...mutual. (cos I understand and accept the fact/reason). But at least both of us are still grateful for each other to be still there and not have any bad feelings/regrets.

I did learn some stuff from this though, and so did she. I don't know about future relationships, but I for sure know that I'll never love someone else like I did to my first love. First loves are special in their own way.

"The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end."

[FM]

Well, everything in the UNIVERSE has an expiration date. Even plutonium. Even the univerese itself. So does love. And do does relationships (though some have an expiration date set so far it outlasts the people involved). Thing is, it never really expires at the same time for both of the parties involved. And it sucks. But you have the rest of your life to live, so those times spent together are gonna be BEAUTIFUL memories one day, but leave it at that. And move on. Sooner or later you'll stumble on another relationship, and perhaps this one will last even longer. Perhaps it won't. And you'll move on again. And that's how life goes. Until you find a relationship that outlasts your lifespan, that is.

[Kenddrick]

Guys help me please. I went out with her today with the rational mind like how I was when I typed all that I said. I behaved normal and I laughed with her and felt greatful to have her and stuff.

Now I'm having this sinking feeling in my stomach.

I know the relationship is over!! I know that she doesn't love me anymore and it is over!!

So why am I having this sinking feeling in my stomach? It's killing me!

[Kenddrick]

I know I am hanging out with her because she is a great person to be with. I am myself when I am with her! Or maybe I'm emotionally dependent on her!!! I dont know!!

Please dont tell me to move on because right now, I cant see it!! I cant see myself getting in love with anyone!!! I might make an exception for my ex gf but we need to work things out!!

Why am I feeling like this? Am I too dependent on her?

[Kenddrick]

I am not crying!!! I do not want to! I am OVER IT!!! I accept that the relationship is over and all I can do now is appreciate them!

I was ok when we went out together and hung out. We didn't do our couple things like we used to but I'm ok with that cos I thought "yeah im happy i spent my first serious relationship with this girl".

And then I sent her home and I feel this sinking feeling in me and I am confused?

Someone tell me why please! Don't be mean I really need some advice on what i'm feeling!