Hi i wont be around for some time

[HawkeyeSPF]

Seriously though Kenddrick, ket is right when he says you need to just meet some new people. Not even to hang around with more than once maybe, just to give yourself a fresh perspective on things. My wife and I don't really have friends around where we live, so I know what it's like a little bit. Maybe try to reconnect with a friend from high school and go hang out for a few hours?

[Kenddrick]

I don't have close friends because I spent 3 years of my life (17-20) with this girl almost everyday! I grew up with her. And because of that the number of friends I have is 3.

1. Her
2. My football friend
3. My close friend from school

I can't talk to my football friend because he has never had a girlfriend before and spent time training! We used to train together almost everyday until I got together with my ex-gf.

I can't talk to my close friend from school because he is going through the same #$&*@! as me just that his case is worse as his gf won't even talk to him. So we're both in this mess.

Which leaves me with my gf. I appreciate the relationship we had and now, our friendship. All I'm asking is why i have this sinking feeling?

Please I just need people to advice me nicely and understand what I'm going through here and don't lock please!

[FM]

Which leaves me with my gf

Which you don't have anymore. See? You SAY you're over her, but she's still your "gf" in your subconscience. I have told you everything I could on the subject: shun her for now (for your own good, don't be mean to her or anything, just have some distance), go make friends, go to parties, go out to a card-game store, to a video-game store, anywhere. Go meet some new people. Go after a part-time job, meet work people, hang out with more grown-up people (and people with far worse lives than yours, you'll see), expand your circle of friends, dude!
ANd forget about loving anyone right now. You'll again, eventually, when it's time again.

[Witchkingx5]

I hesitated for a long time if I should participate in this discussion, but now...

I was in a very, very similar thing about 7 months ago. I was wallowing in self-pity for hours over hours, finally a couple of days. But then, I saw that it didn't help my at all. Besides the self-pity I was feeling to myself, there was no way I possibly change a thing.

Actually, you can even find these days when looking through the history of the forum. It was the time when I posted like 12 times or even more a day, had Deck ideas all the time, I started playing MtG again. I was trying to distract myself with things I actually abandoned because of the relationship. I was trying to regain the same status as before, but with more experience gained. Even weeks after that, I still felt the pain. But why wasn't it so bad anymore? Because I at least tried to accept it, even though my mind (heart, or whatever) didn't want to. I stopped listening to the music that connected us and so forth.

I know that my English actually isn't quite good ( in fact I think it's pretty horrible compaired to my German), but I still hope I could have drawn the picture of my situation, of my past situation well enough. You don't have to be like "Try some new stuff, let's do some Bungee-Jumping and go to a party after that", no certainly not. It's much easier to let the change happen slowly than block your own feelings and try to hide them. Like that, it actually takes a much longer time to get over it.

Now, when I look back at these times, when I play some of her favorite songs on my guitar, I remember it being a wonderful part of my life, because I really went over it. And that's what I'm hoping you to do too.

I hope I was able to help.

[tristelune]

Just reconnect with your football friend, start training with him again. Man, it's a dull statement but ONLY TIME will help you heal...

[macheteman]

kenddrick: this may or may not be helpful, but here it goes: if you don't know how to play guitar. learn. and if you already know how to play. play more.

music can be an amazing way of expressing emotions which you cannot form into words.

as for why you are having those feelings, its like you said, you guys had something intimate, and you are experiencing the rending of that intimacy. sure its gonna hurt. but just give it enough time, and enough music...

[secondbest]

Kenddrick...

I know that it feels like an unbearable burden on you at the moment. But believe me many other people have gone thorough similar agony....

This is life. I know it is corny and as you read it you tend to think "How would you know how I suffer you insensitive moron"... But trust me, no trust us that it is like that.


Many more accomplished writers than me wrote thousands of books about this...

But if you really want advice... Even though it might seem stupid, insensitive, absurd and most of all painful...

Listen to this... Cease seeing her. Tell her honestly that you suffer a lot at the moment and every time you hang out your wounds bleed more... Because that is what happens.

When your wounds heal a bit. And trust me they will... The scars will be there but the wounds will close... You can see her again then... But don't do it now. Don't see her. This will only hurt you and worse is you don't know it now but seeing her in this context will only weaken you.

I've done that mistake so i know. In a short while you'll bend over backwards to please her because you love her and  make her can understand your value once again. But this will only make her take you for granted and achieve nothing.

Forgive me when i say this. A friend back in the day said this to me and i was gonna punch him then. Hated him for weeks. But i'll be in his shoes now...

DON'T BE HER PET...

[Kenddrick]

Okie. I'm still hurting but I don't know why I feel better today.   Thanks all those who talked to me. I will feel worse tomorrow, maybe.

But what matters is that I feel ok..for now.

[Witchkingx5]

I will feel worse tomorrow, maybe.

You won't.

[Kenddrick]

She just booked a 3D2N holiday with me in a neighbouring country.

God knows what I'm doing right now I'm getting cold feet. Shouldn't have agreed to go.

At least she booked twin beds.

Still, right now, I'm feeling very very giddy.

[FM]

Please be joking. Which part of STAY AWAY and MOVE ON you didn't get? It's just, like, 4 words! In pairs! Seriously, are you some kind of masochist? Well, do what you must, I'm tired of this topic by now.

[Kenddrick]

I just don't know what else to do I'm in a mess!! It's really hard to stay away from her! I don't know what got into me! Things are really really messy right now

[HawkeyeSPF]

Kenddrick, you need to be strong or you're not going to get ANY sympathy.

Stay away from her, stop answering phone calls from her, de-friend her on Facebook if that's what it takes.

You NEED time away from her in order to heal. You will be a mess for a long long time if you don't get it and aren't able to heal.

I've said my piece and I won't have any more input. Take my advice (and everyone else's for that matter) or don't, but only one road will lead to peace.

[TheJord]

If you have a box of stuff that represents the history of the two of you, burn it. I did it. It feels so good.

[leokula]

Well I guess he's just doing with 90% of the people here would lol a girl leaves you, you're broken hearted, she calls you out... we all know the answer to that call, unless you are some jedi master that has unnatural control over your mind.

It doesn't mean it's the right, thing though... I've been there, 2 years relationship, girl broke up with me but we still had some physical bond and she invited me a couple times to go to her place and have a good time... I didn't give a #$&*@!, I just went there, even tho the pain could be stronger. Couldn't help myself.

Well I'm going to say when this happened to me I thought the world was going to end and it didn't and all the advice everybody gave me at that time was sort of useless because I had to find my way through anyway.

So the only thing I'm saying is: time will take care of whatever happens to you in this matter. Do what you might, if you're supposed to be together, you will, if you're supposed to be friends, you will either way. It might take six months, it might take a week.

Althought you can't see it now, there are a lot of people worth dating and there are a lot of girls that will find you are the perfect fit. Don't worry about that.

Actually you're 20, don't worry about anything, just have fun and take it easy!